You're doing it wrong.

Unlearning the harmful habits birthed from life experiences.

There is an unraveling that happens when you discover that your habits have been keeping you stagnant instead of propelling you forward. What once brought you comfort is now causing you discomfort. You experience a period of transition. Death to your old self and birth to your new self. That transition isn’t easy. In fact, i’m learning that you’re constantly going to have to unlearn things you thought were okay, as you come into the person God is calling you to be. Recently, I was forced to face the reality that I have learned to wait wrong. My way of waiting, formed by my experiences, had caused me to wait on God the wrong way. Where my way of waiting birthed anxious thoughts, confusion and my need to take control over a situation, Gods way of waiting produces peace, clarity, and a renewed mindset. For me, I learned that waiting on someone else often led to disappointment. It led to me questioning myself, my choices and examining what I lacked even though I wasn’t the cause of it. It engineered me to take control of situations I found myself in, in order to obtain what I wanted more quickly. Impatience became my default and anxiety its friend.

Where I sought control over a narrative, God did not allow me to see His hand in that area—and for good reason. I never realized the true effects of how waiting wrong would manifest in my current season. As I am in a season of learning and unlearning in order to put myself in a better position to have healthy relationships (platonic too), I see the weight of the past encumbering my present. When I was waiting on someone in the past it changed me. I became anxious in thought, wondering how they felt about me and where we stood. I kept waiting and waiting for them to bring it up but for reasons I do not know, they never did. It wasn’t until I mustered up the courage and took initiative to ask the hard question only to be met with the crushing realization that our intentions for one another weren’t the same. “What had I waited for”, “Why didn’t I ask sooner?” , ““Why did I allow my feelings to lead me and not wisdom and discernment?” Day and night I pestered myself with these questions. Questions that later gave birth to new levels of self protection disguised as “boundaries.” Boundaries that forced me to take action first in order to safeguard my heart and mind. Where others demanded clarity in order to gain closure from a relationship, I demanded it in the beginning. My need for clarity and distaste for uncertainty produced an unshakeable level of urgency within me. The cost of going with the flow caused me a great deal of pain and I was unwilling to pay that price again.

Waiting on that person was unstable, it felt chaotic. Although removed from that situation, residuals of the emotional storm I weathered, carried over into my walk with Christ. I had to learn that waiting on God is so much different than waiting on people. “For God is not an author of confusion but of peace.” (1 Corinthians 14:33 NKJV) Where people taught me waiting led to disappointment, God is teaching me that waiting on Him is worth it. Where waiting the wrong way caused me to be anxious in the midst of uncertainty, God is teaching me to be still and know that He is God. (Psalms 46:10NKJV) Where waiting taught me to take control, God is teaching me to put my trust in Him—A current work in progress. Waiting on God has showed me the beauty in what it truly means to wait. It’s complete surrender. Surrender of your expectations in exchange for belief that at His appointed time, what you’re waiting on Him for will come to pass. Look what happened to Abraham and Sarah when they took matters into their own hands instead of waiting and trusting that God will give them a child. There is a level of learning and building of character one can only produce in the wait. With God all things are possible, so just wait on Him.

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Thanks for reading. I pray this meets you where you are!

A little bit of housekeeping, I will be going on vacation for a month. I haven’t decided yet if i’ll be posting or not, really want to use the remainder of the year to recharge and plan for next year but if anything changes you’ll see a post from me so keep your eyes peeled! Until next time :)

~BecomingHisDaughter